FLOODING THE ZONE

 

The president’s Chief of Staff, Susie Wiles, enters the West Wing office of Communications Director Steven Cheung, where key members of the communications team are gathered, taking a break after a long day. Present are Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Principal Deputy Director Alex Pfeiffer, and Cheung.

“Hey there, team!” Wiles is in a fine mood. She is carrying an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne. “I come bearing a gift from the boss himself.” She places the chilled champagne on the conference table.

Cheung looks puzzled. “What’s up, Susie? Why the champagne?”

“The president is very, very happy with the job you’ve been doing,” Wiles says. “He just wants to show his appreciation.”

“Really? Anything specific?” Leavitt asks. “Hey, I’ll bet it’s our messaging over the various beautification projects. Paving the Rose Garden. The new flag poles. All the gold geegaws in the Oval Office. The ballroom project. Or maybe it’s the reflecting pool restoration?”

“That’s all good, but that’s not it.” Wiles continues to smile.

“Is it the vanity projects?” Pfeiffer offers. “Like getting his name on the Peace Institute building? Or getting it back on the Kennedy Center? Or hanging banners on federal buildings? Or putting his face on all new passports?”

“Again, you’ve spun those events well, but there’s more,” Wiles says.

“I’m sure it’s our messaging regarding the affordability hoax,” Cheung says. “Gas, groceries, housing, healthcare, education, blah, blah, blah. Am I right?”

“You’re getting warmer.” Wiles is enjoying the game.

“I know what it is,” Leavitt says. “It’s the way we’ve handled the ever-changing narrative on the war with Iran.”

“Nah, I’ll bet it’s the switcheroo in Turkey, changing planes via the catering truck, leaving Air Force One as a decoy.” Pfeiffer is sure he’s nailed it.

“Or it’s the way we handled that rat face Jon Ossoff and his comment about Natalie Harp,” Cheung says.

“Okay, okay,” Wiles laughs out loud. “You can all relax. All those things you mentioned come under the heading of ‘A job well done.’ But here it is in a nutshell—Nobody is talking about Jeffrey Epstein anymore! Let’s celebrate!”

 

There is a loud POP, and the champagne cork hits the ceiling. Glasses are filled and the communications team breathes a collective sigh of relief.

_____