The Gaetz Maneuver

 

Three old friends (and I do mean old) were watching cable news, enjoying a tall cold one. A reporter introduced a film clip from the archives in which a Republican member of the House spoke on air about his colleague Matt Gaetz. He said Gaetz flashed photos of his young girlfriends and bragged to his colleagues about crushing ED medication to a powder, then washing it down with an energy drink, so that he could “go all night.” This report caught the attention of our three pals.

 

Chad: Did you hear that? Wow! What do you think of Matt Gaetz?

Mick: You mean as Attorney General? I don’t know—

Chad: No, I mean what do you think of the Gaetz Maneuver? Crushing the Viagra, taking it with an energy drink?

Mick: I don’t know, seems kind of risky to me.

Chad: Damn, I’m gonna try it!

Mick: Dude…you’re 85 years old. Think of your heart!

Chad: Hey, Bill, you’ve been awfully quiet. What do you think?

Bill: About the Gaetz Maneuver?  I already gave it a try.

Chad: Oh man, I gotta hear this. What happened?

Bill: Well…there’s bad news.

Mick: Yeah, go on…

Bill: While I was waiting for it to kick in, I dozed off.

Chad: Ah, bummer.

Bill: But there’s good news…I woke up a few minutes later and it was working.

Mick: Oh my God!

Bill: But there’s more bad news…by that time, my wife was sound asleep.

Chad: Ah, shoot. So, what are you gonna do?

Bill: We’re gonna try again, after a good night’s sleep, first thing in the morning, right after we brush our teeth and put our partial plates in.

Mick: Good luck, buddy. Keep us posted…no pun intended.

Bill: Roger that. You guys wanna watch Hannity or Anderson Cooper?

Chad: How ’bout another beer?

Mick: The Gaetz Maneuver…gives a whole new meaning to Make America Great Again.

And so it goes, in family rooms across America.

_____

 

 

 Perfect Storm, Silver Lining

 

What an adventure! Let’s take the silver lining first. My book, The Short Stories of C.W. Spooner, is now “Live” at Amazon.com in all three formats: Kindle, paperback, and hardbound. It wasn’t easy. I had to weather the perfect storm.

First, through my own stupid mistakes, I botched the release date of the paperback and hardbound editions. They should have gone live October 31. I managed to delay the release until November 5. Or maybe it was the 6^th. (sigh) I was finally able to speak with a person at Kindle Direct Publishing (thanks to a major assist from my colleague Billie Kelpin) and get my mistakes corrected.

Then my laptop was attacked by ransomware. I wound up taking it to the Geek Squad where it stayed for five days. When I was able to pick it up, the geeks advised me the battery was failing and needed to be replaced. It was expanding, trying to explode, forcing the case to open. Oy vey! The Geeks removed it and told me where to order a replacement, which is now in hand. All I have to do is make an appointment to have it installed and “calibrated.” (No, I will not attempt to install it myself. I know better.)

I was able to use my laptop, sans battery, via the power cord, and discovered I was locked out of Facebook. So, if you’ve missed my pithy comments on FB and are wondering whatever happened good ol’ Spooner, now you know. I’m still trying to find a way back in. Stay tuned.

And there you have it. The book is out there for your reading pleasure. I bought a copy of the Kindle edition (I think I was first!) and it looks pretty good. I invite you to enjoy it in the format you prefer—and leave a review on Amazon.com, if you are so inclined. You don’t have to read all 540 pages. The beauty of a story collection is that you can browse the Table of Contents and pick a title that strikes your fancy. They all stand alone.

As the saying goes, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it. I wish you happy reading, and thanks for your patience.

_____