CASHING IN…

 

The nameplate on her desk reads Managing Director – Investments, and Raquel has earned the title by hard work and persistence. She is poring over financial charts on one of several large, flat-screen monitors arrayed on and around her desk when her desk phone rings. Caller ID displays the name of one of her clients, very few of whom have access to her direct number.

 “Hello, Chuck! Great to hear from you,” she greets him warmly, a spry gentleman in his mid-eighties, one of her favorites. They engage in small talk, bringing each other up to date. She cuts to the chase. Time is money.

“What can I do for you today, Chuck?”

“Well, I’m thinking I should buy a thousand shares of Dell Computer, Raquel.”

“Oh? And why is that, my friend?”

“Because I heard President Trump say, ‘Buy a Dell computer’ on a cable news show. And I understand he owns stock in Dell, that’s why.”

“Yeah, I saw that too. But the stock has already surged. It may be too late to catch the wave, so to speak.” Raquel brings up Dell Computer on her screen. “It’s not a good practice to buy high.”

“It’s reported that he made about 4,000 trades in his last financial disclosure. There must be some other stocks in that list that we can get in on, companies he’s going to tout to the media.” Chuck’s voice is rising.

“Okay, well, we can certainly look into it—”

“And what about drone technology? I understand Don Jr. and Eric are taking ownership positions in drone companies and winning government contracts. How ’bout drones?”

“Now calm down, Chuck. We can research all of that to see if it’s suitable for your portfolio.”

“And how about tungsten? I understand Trump is investing in a tungsten mine in Uzbekistan or somewhere. Can we invest in tungsten futures?”

“Chuck, futures trading is a very complex thing. Not something you want to jump into willy-nilly.”

“How about a meme coin, Raquel? I hear Trump cleared a cool half billion on his meme coin. What if I issued a meme coin?”

“Okay, take a deep breath, Chuck. A meme coin assumes some level of fame or celebrity. Or else, why would any investor buy it?”

“Hey, I was a hot sketch back in the day. Did you know I threw five complete-game no-hitters in my baseball career?”

“No, I didn’t know that. When was that, Chuck?”

“It was 1954 through 1956.”

“Uh…Chuck, that was a very long time ago. Hardly meme coin material.”

“And, I’m a well-known author. I have eight books on the shelf, for God’s sake.”

“Oh my! And are they best-sellers?”

“Best-sellers are a scam, Raquel. This is the dawn of the Age of Artificial Intelligence, and ChatGPT loves my work. You should see the critiques it gives me! Wait…I’ll see if I can find one.”

“That won’t be necessary, Chuck. I’ll take your word for it.” Raquel glances at the digital clock on her desk. “Look, Chuck, it’s nearly 3:00 pm. How does a nap sound, you know, rest your eyes for an hour or so?”

“Well, now that you mention it…”

“Sure, that’s the ticket. Get in a little power nap. In the meantime, I’ll check out some of the ideas you’ve given me. Okay?”

“Thanks, Raquel, you’re a peach. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’m sure you will—”

“What?”

“I said enjoy your nap, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

The call ends, Raquel leans back in her chair, closes her eyes, and releases a long, loud sigh. The phone rings, breaking her meditation. She glances at Caller ID and recognizes the name. It is another of her octogenarian clients.

She lets the call go to voicemail.

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