CHAPTER AND VERSE

 

A video conference on a highly secure line has been scheduled between Washington D.C. and Hollywood. Quentin Tarantino waits patiently in his office, glancing at his Rolex. The screen in front of him flickers, and Secretary of War Peter B. Hegseth comes into focus.

“Mr. Tarantino! Good to see you. How are things in California?”

“Just fine, Mr. Secretary. I must admit, I didn’t believe it was you calling until you popped up on my screen. What can I do for you, sir?”

“I’ll cut right to the chase. Perhaps you saw reports of the prayer I offered the other day at the Pentagon prayer service, quoting your interpretation of the Book of Ezekiel.”

“Yes, I did. And thank you for that. Pulp Fiction is now trending around the world, and the movie is number one on all the streaming services. It’s a hot property again, three decades after it was released.”

“And rightly so, Quentin. Do you mind if I call you Quentin? Your take on holy scripture is absolutely brilliant!”

“Uh…I hope you realize that I wasn’t quoting scripture, Pete. Do you mind if I call you Pete? All that stuff about ‘brother’s keeper’ and ‘finder of lost children’ just came off the top of my head. The only biblical quote was the last line, about laying vengeance upon thee, from Ezekiel 25:17.”

“Look at you, Quentin, quoting chapter and verse. I love it! And I want more, more material from scripture that I can use in future prayer services.”

“Let me get this straight, Pete. You want more from the Gospel According to Tarantino?”

“Exactly! There must be lots of good stuff out there that fires up the Warrior Ethos.”

“Well…if I recall from my research, the story of the flood and Noah’s Ark is rich with references to God’s wrath.”

“God’s wrath, that’s what I’m looking for.”

“And there’s the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s wife being turned into a pillar of salt.”

“Great! I could cast Nancy Pelosi as Lot’s wife.”

“But the strongest passages are in Deuteronomy 25:19, and especially 1 Samuel 15:3, where God decrees against the Amalekites.”

“Perfect! Just what I’m looking for, Quentin. I can make the Iranians the Amalekites.”

“Your call, Pete. Grab your bible and find those passages—”

“My what?”

“Your bible.”

“Oh. I’ll have my aide look ’em up. Now, do you think you can write some prayer material for me, based on the references you just cited?”

“Sure, I can do that. Things are a little slow right now. We’re between projects.”

“Great! Let’s settle on compensation, then I’ll overnight a contract to you, along with an iron-clad non-disclosure agreement.”

“Why the NDA, Pete?”

“Because we never had this conversation.”

“What conversation?”

The two men share a hearty laugh. It’s time to talk dollars and cents.

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