Moonstruck

  

The conference call included three men, a small but very powerful trio of advisers to EXPOTUS. Perhaps the conversation went something like this:

 

Epshteyn: Today’s court appearance did not go well, definitely not according to plan. Steve, you promised all hell would break loose. Hell stayed home.

 

Miller: What about fundraising? Did you put out the usual ‘asks’ by social media? All the usual platforms, especially those with video content?

 

Epshteyn: Of course. We didn’t miss a single outlet. I think our base is becoming jaded, bored, disinterested. The contributions just trickled in. Barely enough to cover legal fees.

 

Bannon: That’s disappointing. I thought sure EXPOTUS blasting the judge and violating the gag order would be a big hit.

 

Miller: We’ve tried everything to get the judge to react and throw EXPOTUS in jail, but he won’t take the bait. We’ve got to come up with new ideas. EXPOTUS in a prison jump suit would blow the roof off our fundraising.

 

Bannon: I think I have something. How ’bout this: at the next court appearance, what if EXPOTUS moons the judge?

 

Miller: Oh my God! You mean actually drop his pants?

 

Bannon: Exactly!

 

Epshteyn: Wow! That certainly ought to do it. Straight to the slammer, for sure. The contributions would pour in.

 

Miller: Wait a minute. I’ve played golf with EXPOTUS. I’ve seen him in the locker room fresh from the shower. It’s not a pretty sight.

 

Bannon: No problem. I have Hollywood connections. We’ll get the best makeup people in the business.

 

Epshteyn: Makeup? For his backside?

 

Bannon: Sure. You don’t think these movie stars do their nude scenes without makeup, do you? Moles, pimples, blemishes, unsightly hair—it all has to be covered up.

 

Miller: Geez, I had no idea. Do you think we should run it by our usual focus group? Maybe give ’em a demo?

 

Epshteyn: You could stand in for EXPOTUS, Steve. We’ll get you a blue suit, a red tie, a yellow hairpiece.

 

Bannon: No time for that. I say we go straight to the mattresses.

 

Epshteyn: So, do you think EXPOTUS will go for it?

 

Miller: Are you kidding? By the time I finish pitching it to him, he’ll swear it was his idea.

 

Bannon: All righty then. I’ll reach out to the makeup artists. Miller, you make the pitch to

EXPOTUS. Epshteyn, you tip the media that something big is going to happen.

 

Miller: Let’s go for it.

 

Epshteyn: Here’s to the next full moon.

 

All three: CHEERS!

 

And so it goes in the back rooms of power. Remember, all’s fair in love and politics.

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