DECOY

 

There is a firm knock on the door to Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s office, and his trusted aide, Jasper “Jaz” Dinwiddie, enters, carrying what appears to be a large shoebox.

“Good morning, Jaz. What do you have there?” Rubio looks somber, a little distracted.

“Good morning, Mr. Secretary. It is a gift box sent over from the Pentagon by Secretary of War Hegseth. I opened it for safety reasons, sir.” He places the box on Rubio’s desk.

“So, a gift from Pete? What could this be?” He lifts the lid, peers inside, then lifts out a beautiful hand-carved, hand-painted Mallard duck. “What the… he’s sending me a duck?”

“It’s a decoy, sir, intended to commemorate your flight on the ‘decoy’ Air Force One out of Turkey.” Dinwiddie is trying to stay calm, knowing the explosion that is about to come.

“Why that lousy, stinkin’, rat SOB!” Rubio explodes. “How dare he mock me, just because he got to sneak away on the catering truck with the president, leaving Scott Bessant and me to ride the decoy. Why, I’d like to punch that mother—”

“Careful, Mr. Secretary. You know Pete works out constantly. Plus, all the testosterone supplements. He’s not the guy you want to get into a street fight with.”

Secretary Rubio stares at the beautiful decoy, fire in his eyes, sweat beginning to bead on his upper lip. His urge is to throw the thing across the room, but he restrains himself.

“Jaz, there’s got to be something we can do, some way to punch back and put Hegseth in his place.”

“I’ve anticipated that path, sir, and I’ve taken the liberty to brainstorm a possible response.”

“Oh yeah? Great! Sock it to me, Jaz.”

“Look here on my phone.” Jaz taps the screen and up comes the image of a statuette, a man in 1770s dress mounted on a marble pedestal.

“What is this, Jaz? Looks like a patriot—”

“That’s exactly what it is, Mr. Secretary. It is a miniature replica of a statue of Nathan Hale. It will be about the size of an Oscar. Note that his arms are raised.”

“What’s with his right hand? Oh my God! His middle finger is raised. And what’s that in his left hand?”

“It’s a Cohiba, sir, a fine Cuban cigar. And take a look at the legend on the base.”

Rubio leans close and reads the inscription: I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. He sits back in his chair, letting the message sink in. “So…we’re flipping him off, throwing my roots in his face, and declaring my willingness to lay my life on the line. I love it, Jaz! Absolutely love it!”

“I thought you would approve, sir.” Jaz smiles at his boss’s reaction. “I’ve already got the ball rolling. It should be ready in a couple of days.”

“Jaz, you are a crazy genius. There’s going to be a nice bonus in your Christmas stocking this year.”

“Thank you, Mr. Secretary. Now, you are bound to be asked about being a decoy. Let’s get to work on a statement we can release to the press.”

 

The two men roll up their sleeves, loosen their ties, and get to work. There are important issues of statecraft to be addressed.

_____