Keepin' it real...

A GOOD, GOOD MAN

Note: My in-laws, Archie & Shirley Vine, came to live with us nine months ago. Archie was in failing health since suffering a stroke in December of 2008, and in early March, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away on Friday, May 6. He was 90 years old. The following were my remarks at his funeral on Monday, May 9.

I want to thank all of you for being here today. This is wonderful tribute to my father-in-law. And I want you to know what an honor it is for me to say “a few words” about Archie Vine. I have so many words I could share that we would be here for a long time, so I’ll give you the condensed version.

I was going to start with the word Dividends and tell you how Dad famously said one Thanksgiving, “Mom and I invested all of our lives, and all of you (meaning his children and grandchildren and their spouses, and his great grandchildren) all of you are our Dividends.”

I was going to mention MegaMillions and SuperLotto because Dad always, always believed he was going to hit the lottery. And when he did, he would provide security for his entire family.

I was going to talk about being Dad’s Newsboy, getting up early in the morning to read the newspaper and make a fresh pot of coffee, because Archie loved a good cup of coffee first thing in the morning. And then, after breakfast, I’d sit with Dad to discuss the news of the day.

I was going to mention Jeopardy and how we’d play along every evening at 6:30. And when the announcer said, “And now, here’s the host of Jeopardy, Alex Tribeck!” Dad, in sync with the announcer, would make a fist with his right hand, punch the air and say, “Tribeck!”

I was going to talk about Laughter and Dad’s exquisite sense of humor, how he loved to joke with you, and be a gentle tease. And of course his famous line on the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary when Rabbi Taff called Archie & Shirley to the pulpit to say a special blessing. When the Rabbi asked Dad, “What is the secret to your long and happy marriage?" Dad said: “Always tell your wife those words she wants to hear: ‘Yes, Dear.’”

I was going to tell you about Archie and Shirley, the Superfans, and how they attended countless baseball, basketball, football and soccer games for grandsons Marc, Matt and Gabe. And let’s not forget dance recitals, musical reviews and plays for granddaughters Lisa and Rachel. They were – literally – always there.

What I want to do is get directly to the really, really important words. And the first one is Vuluma, Mere & Sam Vuluma and their son Jon. Mere joined our family about 4 ½ years ago to be Archie & Shirley’s caregiver, and to see Mere care for them is to witness a thousand acts of loving-kindness every day. Mere is truly and amazing human being.

When Archie suffered a stroke in December of 2008, Mere came up to me at one point, put her arms around me and gave me a hug. She told me how sorry she was that this was happening to Archie. And then she said, “I told my Sam, this is a good, good man.” Mere, no one could say it better.

After Dad’s stroke, Sam joined the team to stay with Dad through the night and be there if he called out for any reason. Then Sam would stay for breakfast, to talk and laugh and share the news of the day. Archie considered Sam to be his best friend.

When Archie & Shirley moved in with us, Sam would stop by the house to visit. He’d wrap his arms around Archie and put his hand on Dad’s heart and say, “Archie, Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melach h’olam (Blessed art thou, eternal our God, ruler of the universe). I love you, Archie.” And you could see Dad’s spirits rise.

Here’s my point: if someone asks you if there are angels in this world, the answer is: Yes, and they come from Fiji.

And now here’s the most important word to remember about Archie, and that is: Shirley. Shirley Kramer Vine. She was the absolute love of his life. Married for very nearly 65 years. His first thought every morning, his last thought every night, and every waking moment in between, was for her care and well-being. To see them together was to be inspired, to be moved, to be renewed.

Whenever he could reach her, he wanted to hold her hand. And then, of course, there were those kisses. First thing in the morning, and right before he went to bed at night, we would line up their chairs so that Archie could put his arm around Shirley, and then he would plant a big, wet, passionate kiss on Shirley’s lips.

To which Mere would say, “Oy yi yi!” Which is Fijian for Oy Vey!

And Shirley would say, “Delicious!”

They were truly a couple for the ages.

I want to close with a couple of very personal notes, first for myself, and then for Barbara.

Archie Vine was more than just a father-in-law. I lost my father when I was 16, and over the years, Archie became a father to me. He was there with his wisdom when I needed advice. He was there with a pep talk when I was feeling low. And, he was there to kick me in the butt a few times when I needed it.

When my own father, and my brother, and my mother passed away, there were words left unspoken, and I’ll always regret it. With Archie and me, there was nothing left unsaid. I loved him and I told him so. In fact, for the last nine months, I got to tell him every day.

He loved me and told me I was a son to him. What an honor to hear those words! He was simply the most loved and respected man I’ve ever known.

And now, for Barbara: When Archie and Shirley came to live with us, Barbara and Dad developed a ritual that they observed every night. After Archie gave Shirley that big, wet kiss, Mere would take him and get him ready for bed, and when he was safely tucked in, Barbara would go in to say goodnight. They would talk for a while, and then they would have a dialog that went like this:

Barb: “Good night, Daddy”

Archie: “Good night, sweetheart.”

Barb: “I love you, God bless you.”

Archie: “I love you too. God bless you and Chuck and your children.”

Barb: (lightheartedly) “See you in the morning.”

And then she’d wait for him to respond in kind. If he didn’t respond, she’d say it again… and again… until they were both laughing. And finally, he’d say:

“See you in the morning.”

And then she could leave the room and hope to do it all again the next night.

And so, that’s it… a few words about Archie Vine. Remember those words: Dividends, MegaMillions & SuperLotto, Newsboy, Jeopardy, Laughter, Superfans, Mere & Sam Vuluma, and of course Shirley.

When you hear those words in the days ahead I want you to smile. Because this good, good man is at peace.
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